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08 July 2017

Salad Day


Went to a soup and salad joint for lunch. Daddy’s getting a little too chubby for summer.

To my surprise, there were no tongs for the chopped romaine or the spinach.

I took the tongs from the neighboring celery to assist myself. A huge family of kids was at the opposing buffet line, so I had to move quickly to avoid unnecessary delay at the cashier. No time to wait or ask for tongs. They should have been there.

“UH-UH-UH-UH-UH,” said the salad nazi behind the line. She was busting me for using tongs in an unapproved way.

I asked her if she preferred I use my hands next time? Not my fault the tongs weren’t where they should be. Your gig. Don’t knock the MacGyver.

“UH-UH-UH” this drone cow udders again and puts fresh tongs into the romaine like she should have hours ago. Too late! Already got my leaves, bitch!

Then she makes this vindictive move where she replaces the celery tongs I used in the romaine with new celery tongs. Like a big fuck you to me. I don’t care. You lose, salad bitch! By the way, there is no cross contamination problem when you move the tongs from celery to lettuce. Mean AND stupid. It’s not like I used the fuckin cheese tongs to put into the romaine.

And why does cheese have tongs? It sticks and clumps on the tongs and you don’t get any. People of low manners and children, of which there are too many in my experience, would not be able to resist the temptation to use their fingers to peel the cheese from the tongs and stick the filthy finger touched tongs back in the cheese. Maybe a spoon would make sense? Hey, experiment instead of chatting with your fat friends. And why does a salad and soup place have so many obese workers? They must not be into salad much. Just in it for the paycheck.

And I thank you.


2 Responses


    I agree with the Wachs. The very point of the story is when your at your job make certain whether you are shoveling feces or serving the public make certain the proper tools are in place. If someone uses ingenuity as a means to get there next meal settle down you millennial or gen “z’r” it will be just fine. We the folks that have a “to do” on our mind and need to get back to the action and can’t be held up by something like a tong.

    Pa tee tong ya douche!

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#1 2017 Year Of Miracles // Larry WACHS - #1 2017 Year Of Miracles
  1. #1 2017 Year Of Miracles // Larry WACHS - #1 2017 Year Of Miracles